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48 chuck norris facts you did not know

August 28, 2011

Mohan, mdashf

Japanese translation of a partial segment of the 50 CN facts I developed
Yon-ju hachi chak noris koto wa, sore wa anata wa wakari-masen deshita, kono jikan mae kara
1. Kare wa omoimasu, suji-hachi wa tatte mugen-dai
2. Kare wa suji hachi wa pantsu sa kirareru dekimasu
3. Kare wa tori o mite tori wa tokashii dek…imasu, sono wa nomimasu dokara tori sa hiku suru dekimasu
4. Kare wa hoshi ni wa yobidasu, kagaku-tekina nama de, kare omoimasu sore wa kare no “krischinau-jin no wa shomeidesu”
5. Kare wa Saruma-hayeku ni yuwaku, ishi no ue de, ni-hyaku digri centigrade de, kare wa omoimasu “kochira wa atarashio hosoku, netsu rikigaku no, kare wa shomeideshita , junsuina koi niyotte”
6. Kare wa “atheist” wa “athrete” no duigigo omoimasu
7. Koshi no hikkari o hiku suru, kare wa koshi no shitsuryo niwa nusumu, to omoimasu “watashi wa chak noris, sekai no ichiban, saisoku ninja”
adding 2 chuck noris facts to my 48 facts of CN:
1. Chuck Noris was smoking and there was some wind, his smoke was now moving very fast, so he thought it’s moving at the highest velocity known to mankind, obviously he did not know about photons
2. Chuck Noris sees the chilly-fire crackers and thinks Indians are smoking cigaretes in a community celebration of smoking, he takes one to his mouth and bam..
then Chuck Noris goes to Stephen Hawking and tells him about this, “I don’t have a mouth now”. Hawking says “well use my speech synthesizer”
Here is the original list
1. He thinks Inifinity as a horizontal 8
2. He wears an 8 (or inf?) as a pant
3. Melts a turkey by looking at it and drinks it’s flesh (then flies like one?)
4. Calling a star by it’s scientific name he proves he is catholic
5. Seducing salma hayek in a sau…na at 200 deg cent on a stone he proves the last law of thermodynamics: a new temperature system is attainable by a pure act
6. Thinks atheists is a synonym for athelets
7. Flying past light and stealing photon’s mass he thinks he is Chuck Norris: the fastest Ninja
8. Opens an atom by a scissor and thinks he made a medical invention
9. Peels an orange by his arm-pit and smells like an onion because the part of the universe he lives in onions and oranges grow together.
10. He thinks multi-verse and declares it’s a multiplex that shows his new movie “verses from Bible”
11. Counts the electron in the hydrogen atom and reports 33, counts Uranium and says “time out” it’s all changing as per a exponetial decay
12. He wonders why Nuclear decay is possible but fails to understand gravity
13. Thinks photons is the name of a beer in biblical times but protons as baby-food
14. Hadrons are for transvestites but bosons is an acronym for “times out”
15. Generates electricity by rubbing his ass against stone but gets fire because leaves his gas-burner open
16. Drinks alcohol, becomes a magnet, rotates his *arm* and generates a huge current  that lits ny city
17. Blinks at the trafic lights and they all go green, thinks alcohol breathers are a mini-cam that takes his picture when his teeth is visible, that’s where he gets his name, he is chuck norris because he chuckles
18. Goes through a mirror to discover his twin but never recovers from the shock because he finds a sybian
19. He can give mass to a Higgs and get a world health org reward for nutrition
20. He has more energy than a OhMyGod particle because he bribed American Electric Power.
21. He dives into an ocean and comes up with a meteor with a sign “this was for Jesus Christ”
22. He goes into milkyway instead of diary queen and complaints they don’t have frosts
23. He eats a clove and test positive for narcotics
24. He takes out a gun and says “amen” his bullets go backwards because he is flying past sound
25. He takes a focult pendulum and plays golf with it
26. He calls 911 to report abortion
27. “Ladies and gentlemen this is our chuck norris” and he’s vanished. Was he a resonance particle?
28. He measures 5 feet and 3 seconds because he is living in a relativistic space-continuum
29. He has more energy than a bull dozer but panics by a sniffer
30. He thinks a time machine is a clock from biblical times but an atomic clock is euphemism for duce-bag
31. He talks sense to George Bush
32. He takes out his black-belt because it is too small around his waist, wonders where he is gonna put it
33. He is approached by a cop that tells him he was speeding, he thinks he was merely in the rest frame of photons, in other words he had already pushed his brakes to respect nature’s speed limit
34. He is dissatisfied by china because they don’t think he is speaking English
35. He speaks Mandarin and the Americans think he had a flu from last thanks giving
36. He spells the name Kira Kira (mahi mahi) and thinks the first name and family name are different
37. To him French fries sound like a pizza topping but peperoni sounds like a Italian mafia
38. He invents his own alphabet to spell the word “I”
39. In his number system infinity is an operation symbol like +, -, *
40. In his number system 0 is the biggest number
41. In his number system H2O is a prime number
42. Molecules are large but galaxies are as small as a zirafe, obviously he failed high school
43. He halts at a zebra crossing because he was fined 500$ for killing a deer
44. On a thanks giving day he drank a turkey by melting it by looking at it but on independence day he broke his tooth from a olive topping on his pizza
45. He goes to CVS pharmacy to order paints but refuses to pay by credit card because his body magnet always inactivates the bar-code
46. He swears at dwarfs but says lullabies to wax-duplicates
47. He thinks American museum for natural history is an euphemism for high sccool sex
48. He thinks Niagara falls is housed in Smithsonian museum
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